Things have been pretty horrible round at Cookieville of late.
On the 14th February something unthinkable happened. My wonderful Mum passed away.
She had been relatively well until the evening of Sunday 12th when she was taken to the local hosptial by ambulance with severe adominal/lower back pains. She was taken into Intensive Care on the Monday and passed away without really regaining consciousness at 7.20am on the Tuesday morning.
It was sudden. And unexpected. And without hesitation the worse day of my life.
The greving process involved in losing a parent (I've discovered) is pretty epic. Mum was such a powerful presence in our lives (and judging by the almost standing room only at the funeral service in the lives of many people). Living next door to my parents since we got married has meant there has rarely been a day in the last 14 year that I hadn't seen her. She was our main childcare support for the kids from when they were born and they've both seen or spoken to their Nan pretty much every day of their lives.
I've spent the last few weeks feeling like I've been hit by a double decker. The fog is starting to lift a little this week (somewhat strangely I think the spring sunshine is helping with that) but there are still moments where the grief blindsides me. I suspect that might go one for some time to come.
Amidst the grief though I am still happy to have had the privledge to have been raised by this amazing woman. Wonderful, strong, selfless, empowering, loving, formiable. An upstoppable force of good.
Rest in Peace Mum. You will truly be forever missed.
I have only slipped away to the next room...
I am I and you are you...
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak it to me in the same way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone,
Wear no false air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect, without the ghost of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident.
I am but waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner.
All is well.
Canon of St Paul's, London